fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
