i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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