tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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