just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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