I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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