i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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