I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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