I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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