Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just had sex bonerless
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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