i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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