i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
