Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
nutella sex= disaster
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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