Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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