You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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