I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
