Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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