His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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