I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
