A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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