We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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