maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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