i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
