3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
