uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You ruined the universe
Randomize
