i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize