My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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