i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
