my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
