You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
