Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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