Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
