I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Your dad touched me again.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
