Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
