why didn't you poke me back
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize