You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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