he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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