Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Soap is not a condiment
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
