i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
