Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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