Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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