Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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