the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
