Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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