you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
