nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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