Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
