I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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