Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize