Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
