what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
