the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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