worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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