shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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