i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
