i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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