Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
