bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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