i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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