Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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