My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
