ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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