You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
