Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize