when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
