HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
