Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He felt like a one man threesome
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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