I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
