So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
