I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
