As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
